Maria Miranda
(aka Professore Rumore)
and Norie Neumark
(aka Doktor Rumour)
Rumourologists and
Chief Investigators
AUS
view office

The Labs

Each lab is specially equipped to investigate a specific area of rumourology. The Labs and their specific tasks as listed below, follow a model of localised experimentation and investigation first outlined by Doktor Rumor in her monograph "shhhhh", SRCSR Press, Sydney:02/02/2002 .

1.Sonar Lab: Rumour/rumore/noise/murmur/whisper
Tasks:
• To investigate the signal to noise ratio in rumour <deriv. rumore (It), noise>
• To calculate the longevity of the rumour waveform
• To discover the oldest living rumour and its susurrant source• To discover a sonar algorithm for rumour generator (see Nuclear Physis Lab)

2.Vulcanology Lab
Tasks:
• To investigate rumour eruptions
• To discover the deepest living rumour and its magmatic source
• To measure the seismic waves of rumour eruptions

3.Biotech Lab: Rumour Genome Project
Tasks:
• To discover the rumour gene(s)
• To splice rumour gene(s) enabling

<wetter rumours
<more digestible rumours
<easier handling of rumours

• To investigate the propagation/reproduction of rumours and to ultimately create artificial rumours

4.Nuclear Physics Lab
Tasks:
• To discover the rumour Theory of Everything
• To create a rumour generator
• To build an Electron Positron Rumour Collider, similar to the very large accelerator in Cern Switzerland, so that scientists can recreate the original ‘big bang’ or the birth of rumour. This is a long term goal as it will need major finance and commitment from the international community.

5.Alife Lab
Tasks:
• To discover rumours in the ether.net
• To experiment with memetic algorithms.

6.Lost and Found Department
This Department includes a major database of all known lost and found rumours.
Examples from the database:
• Jules Verne’s secret journey to Maria Island in Tasmania in 1865
• Al Queda is the CIA
• The shameful use of refugees by the Australian government to supplement dwindling food supplies.
• John Howard is a robot created by Rodney Brooks at MIT Lab in Cambridge Mass.

As lost rumours are discovered/uncovered, this Department will direct them to the appropriate Labs for analysis.

 

 

 

CHART:
Correct Usage of the Budinsky and Budoutsky Pipettes for Rumour Extraction